


But Atlas shrugged

by becauseitwasreal



Series: All's fair in love and war [4]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: just another drabble, this is a bit hurt-comfort-y i suppose, though more hugh-trying-to-help-and-lorca-obviously-refusing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-21
Updated: 2017-11-21
Packaged: 2019-02-05 05:37:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12788178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/becauseitwasreal/pseuds/becauseitwasreal
Summary: “You're a wise man.”“I doubt it,” Hugh Culber said. “But you’re not the first Captain I’ve treated, and each is as stubborn as the last.”In which Hugh tries to help Lorca, but since when does Lorca listen to anyone?





	But Atlas shrugged

**Author's Note:**

> “Thought—he told himself quietly—is a weapon one uses in order to act... Thought is the tool by which one makes a choice... Thought sets one's purpose and the way to reach it.” - Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged

“I guess I shouldn’t try to talk you into surgery, should I?” the physician asked, as his patient groaned in pain at the bright lights of the medbay.

Lorca almost smiled to himself. “Wise man.”

“I doubt it,” Hugh Culber said. “But you’re not the first Captain I’ve treated, and each is as stubborn as the last.”

The Captain actually snorted at that, and was glad to see that his examiner was smiling as well. If there was anyone’s trust he had to win, it was Culber’s. If anyone from medbay blabbed to Katrina about his eyes, he could be done for. It was why he dreaded every test and examination. Starfleet wanted him to submit to weekly tests, just to see if his eyes were healing as they should. It had been a month since he’d taken control of the _Discovery_ , and there seemed to be little to no improvement. He’d known it would take time, but it bothered him nonetheless. If anyone started to doubt his capabilities, well… “And as the next, I bet.”

“I’m sure of it,” Culber said, running the Captain’s vitals. “Still not as stubborn as my partner, though.”

“Stamets,” Lorca said, not really knowing how to phrase it like a question.

Culber nodded absently, lost in the data on his pad.

“Are you going to release me anytime soon, doctor?” he asked after some minutes of silence, and it immediately felt like a slip-up. If he seemed too eager to leave, too impatient – he had learned as much during his psych evaluations.

Katrina’s voice popped up in his head, and he wished he could silence it. _Patience has never been your virtue. Would it hurt you to stay still for a minute?_

There was too much to do to stand still. War didn’t wait.

Culber’s brow creased. “Have you been sleeping properly?”

“I’ve been sleeping just fine,” Lorca answered evenly, crossing his arms over his chest.

 _A defensive move_ , her voice prodded into his ear.

 _Shut up_ , he pushed back.

“My readings don’t agree with you. You’re showing signs of exhaustion.” Culber seemed to hesitate, unsure what to do with his new Captain. “After everything that’s happened, it wouldn’t be strange if –”

“I’m sleeping _fine_ , Lieutenant Commander.” His voice sounded harder than he had intended. The _Buran_ was his, and while he didn’t want to leave it behind him – couldn’t leave it behind him, it was not the _Discovery_ ’s burden to bear, and especially not the crew’s. He should have known that Katrina would have given this man her full report, that she had her eyes to look out for her, whereas he was so crippled that he could hardly stand the dimmed light of his personal quarters. He should have known that everyone on this bloody ship would be aware of this situation, of course people would have heard of it, it wasn’t a small incident exactly.

Then why did it surprise him so much? Then why did it scare him and make his bones quake was if he was a schoolboy? Lorca squeezed his eyes shut, and balled his hands into fists.

 _Defensive,_ she said, as if it was something to be victorious about. Oh, how she always wanted to be right.  

 _Shut up_ , he screamed, even if he didn’t know if he was talking to Katrina, or to his own mind.

“Captain?”

Lorca opened his eyes, and he was back in the medbay with the gentle doctor standing in front of him, a look of concern on his face. “Did I –”

“Yes.” The man smiled softly, a gesture of comfort. He was careful not to touch the Captain, almost as if he was a wild animal. “It’s not the first time someone’s told me to shut up, but usually I’m actually speaking when they do so.”

Lorca didn’t respond. A feeling of tiredness crept up on him instead, and he wished that he deserved to forget.

“You should get some sleep,” Culber said. “You’ll feel better.”

“I can’t –”

“You _can_.” His tone was insistent, and Lorca remembered that he was talking to the man who somehow managed to handle Paul Stamets on a daily basis. “And you will. Doctor’s orders. You can try to carry the world on your shoulders, but even the best of us need rest.”

Lorca stared at Culber in a weak attempt at defiance. “I guess I don’t have a choice, then.”

“No, you don’t.”

He sighed. “All right, just –”

_Don’t tell Katrina. I don’t want her to worry._

_No, that’s a lie. You don’t want her to take away what little you’ve got. Don’t show your fears._

“– just don’t think this means you’ll get to boss me around all the time.”

Culber smiled. “I wouldn’t dare to. Sleep tight, Captain.”

Lorca nodded, even though he already knew that his dreams would hold nothing pleasant.

As he was staring out of his window at night, chasing away the remnants of his memory, flashes of yellow and red, trying to see what stars his damaged eyes could still make out, he remembered the good doctor’s words. He guessed the weight on his shoulders wouldn’t let him go anytime soon.


End file.
